Equal Not Identical

Alright- I'm terrible at putting this out on a routine schedule, but hopefully this week's post will come tomorrow and I will get on some sort of routine!

Let's do a little recap from the last post about marriage being ordained of God. One of the things I mentioned that can help us in our marriages is to know what our spouses love language is. I shared what our love languages were and challenged you to learn what your spouse speaks! Over the past week and a half, I have made conscious efforts to reach out to Logan through his love languages. When he got home from work, I would run to the door to give him a hug and kiss to welcome him home. I made Kool-Aid to go with dinner (he loves that stuff!) and tried to have dinner ready when would come home. Reaching out to his love language, I felt he could really feel the love I had for him. I know it sounds so silly, but I think that showing love the way they feel it just brings a whole lot more love into the house because you are thinking of the other person more!

We are still working on really getting date night set up weekly. We didn't do great at it last week, we spent time together, we just didn't call it date night. That is still in the works.

Positive words- this was probably one of the biggest changes that I saw in the past week in our home and marriage. I have truly felt overwhelmed and emotionally and mentally drained because of responsibilities this semester. Between school, church calling, photography, and being a wife, I just was struggling. I was just frustrated most of the time and I think that mostly I complained. But there was one day that I could see it; I could see the way my negativity was "hurting" Logan whether he would say it was or not. He didn't know how to comfort me and I wasn't making the home a welcoming place to come to after work. I could have kicked myself when I was able to see the way I had been over the past couple weeks. I told myself that I would be happy. Happiness was going to be in my face, eyes, and spirit. The home would be a place of happiness to come home to; the best thing I could have ever hope for happened.

As I made myself more positive, I noticed so many changes that I wasn't expecting. I was able to get more done than I could when I was complaining. Being positive also helped me make better connections with others and it made going to classes a lot easier for me because I had people to sit by and talk too. But most importantly it did change the atmosphere of our home and our marriage. It brought laughter, smiles, and much happiness to both of us. 

This life is supposed to try and test us, but we can still be positive throughout our lives. That is what I aim to do!!

The idea of turning off Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, etc when it is time for bed may seem baffling to some and I used to really struggle with this, but lately I look forward to getting in bed, setting my alarm and just talking with Logan. That is a time of day that we can relax and be with one another. I enjoy that time of the day wholeheartedly. I hope that you can find the time to turn off the technology and just focus on each other. Maybe when your spouse falls asleep you can use it again, but try to have time just the two of you and see how it enriches your marriage.

Alrighty!! Week two of this blog is dealing with marriage counsels and being equal in our marriages. Marriage counsels can also turn into family counsels as things need to be discussed among all members of the family or just the spouses. Marriage counsels are important because it keeps you aware of one another and the thoughts and feelings that you each have on what is going on.

Decisions can be difficult to make with one another because you are separate people. You each think
differently and were raised differently, but you cane come to a decision you can both agree on with
patience and work. When you are counseling together, you need to be open to other ideas and to what
the other person is saying. If you both come to the table and say this is what we are going to do and this
is how I want to do it, you are both going to be frustrated and feel that your plan is better and it won’t
solve the issue.
As we come together we should go over possible solutions, disagree, find new ideas, but listen carefully
to one another as we discuss. We should discuss, discuss, and discuss some more to reach something that
both persons feel good about.

President Henry B. Eyring relates an experience where he sat in on a discussion with the apostles where
they were trying to make a decision. They each gave their ideas, thoughts, and they had disagreements.
They kept discussing the matter until a decision had been arrived at that they agreed on. However, one
person wasn’t quite settled on what had been decided. Due to that, they postponed making the final
decision because all needed to feel right about it. (video)

As you come to counsel together, solutions don’t always need to be forced, wait for the revelation to come
to each person. Revelation comes at different times for everyone. In my own marriage, I knew that I was
supposed to marry Logan very early in our relationship because the Spirit testified of that to me. I didn’t
share this with him though because he needed to come to that idea by himself. Once we both knew, we
could move forward and get married because we both felt good about it!

 Each of us sees things differently and adds a new perspective into our marriages and families. That is one
reason it is so important for us to counsel together because we can open new ideas and explore new options
that may not have been presented if we weren't holding counsels.
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin gives this quote about being different from each other-
     "The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos
       of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony. All of
       Heavenly Father's children are different in some degree, yet each has his beautiful sound that adds
       depth and richness to the whole" (Hawkins 38).
Elder Bruce C. Hafen adds to that idea of being one of ourselves and one together with our spouse when
he said:
     "In the little kingdom of a family, each spouse freely gives something the other does not have and
      without which neither can be complete and return to God’s presence. Spouses are not a soloist with
      an accompanist, nor are they two solos. They are the interdependent parts of a duet, singing together
      in harmony at a level where no solo can go" (Hafen).


Together in our marriages we can go where we could not go alone!! We must work together equally to
make those opportunities a reality.

Counsels should be held to make one another aware of the problems and frustrations we are having in our
lives that we may need help with. Husbands and wives are to help one another and to support each other.
The Family: A Proclamation to the World states, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families
in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their
families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities,
fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."
We each have responsibilities that need to be taken care of, but our spouses can help us to accomplish them.
The duties of the husband are not above or below the duties of the wife. The wife's duties are not above or
below the duties of the husband. They are equal but different. How boring would it be if we were all
supposed to do the same things as one another. That would make for one boring life, but it doesn't make
treating someone's roles or responsibilities as lower than our own. We are to be helpmeets for each other.
Elder Earl C. Tingey said:
     "You must not misunderstand what the Lord meant when Adam was told he was to have a helpmeet.
       A helpmeet is a companion suited to or equal to us. We walk side by side with a helpmeet, not one
       before or behind the other. A helpmeet results in an absolute equal partnership between a husband
       and a wife" (Hawkins, 38-39).
To end I would like to share some results from research that has been done on couples who demonstrated
equal partnerships. Couples who share equal partnerships have happier relationships, more effective
parenting practices, and better functioning children. When couples are equal they have a higher marital
satisfaction because they have more positive interactions than negative. (Hawkins, 43).
Who doesn't want a marriage full of those things and so much more. As we work together we can
accomplish so much more! Make it a goal this week to work together and find ways to help your spouse
with their responsibilities. Marriages take work, but they are our greatest treasure on this earth and in the
life to come!

Sources:
President Eyring video- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtwpPT1QQQE&feature=feedwll&list=WL
Hawkins, Alan. Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research  

      Persepectives. Provo, UT: 2012. 38-43. Print. 
Hafen, Bruce. "Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners." Ensign. August 2007

Family Proclamation to the World- http://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation