February

I really feel like I come to this blog at the end of each month and think... Now wait.. where did that month go? That's true and even multiplied by 10 for February. I really think I blinked and now here it is the 26th! Mr. Logan and I did have a lot of fun this month though.
To kick off the month right, we went to an Imagine Dragons concert with my Jared and his wife Chelsea on February 9th. And it was AMAZING!! The concert was in Boise at the Taco Bell Arena. We got to Boise about an hour before doors opened so we hit up Noodles and Co for dinner. That was a first for Logan and I eating there and if there is a Noodles and Co anywhere when I'm on vacation that is a must eat. It was really yummy!!! We got to the arena to wait in line for the doors to open because we were on the floor level and we wanted some good seats (standing space)... and by golly we got them!!

There was literally 3 rows of people from us to the stage. We were SOO close!

 I thought I liked them before we went to the concert, but I LOVE them. And they were so good live. I won't lie, it was a little "harder" live than on the CD and it was amazing. The live version of Radioactive was incredible.
I have been to a Rascal Flatts concert and David Archuleta (Jared says that doesn't really count as a concert) and now this one. Imagine Dragons killed the other ones. One of the songs they had those big balls all over the place and when they popped they exploded with confetti! So cool! Thanks to Jared and Chelsea for letting us go with you. It was so much fun!!

The following week was Valentines Day. It started off with breakfast in bed. I made some cinnamon roll waffles and some chocolate milk and surprised Logan with it.

Logan had work off without even requesting it off so that was pretty cool!! I had to go to school that day though. Logan picked up a heart shaped pizza from Papa Murphy's and hid some cards around the house for me to find. The first card was on the door when I walked up to unlock it. Another was by a light switch, the bathroom door, hanging from the counter, and on the wall. I got the last one when we were about to go to bed.
We had Emily (Logan's sis) come over and have pizza with us and then we went over to our friends and Jared's stake Valentines dance to see them. We danced to the last song and had some yummy desserts.

 After that we headed over to the Craze to play some arcade games! I love arcade games; when we were dating Logan took me on a date to the Craze once and I fell in love with it. I'm a kid at heart and Logan is too so it makes it fun! We played Swamp Stomp, the basketball game, skeeball, and Deal or no Deal. We also played this jumping game where we soon realized.. I may not have the best timing.

 We won a bunch of tickets and got a lot of random things including some jumbo playing cards, fruit snacks, tootsie rolls that were a little old and hard, suckers, and parachute guys to throw off the top of the stadium one of these days!
Let's be honest for a minute, I never liked Valentines Day. It really has to do with the fact that my birthday is the next day, so I felt like my birthday wasn't that special because everyone just got flowers, chocolates, stuffed bears, and whatever else the day before. Yes, I had a terrible childhood because of it... Just kidding! :) But this year I really think I liked it.. Gasp.. The world is still turning though so no worries. It was fun to just have time with Lo and we could do little things without spending lots of money or feeling like we needed to get each other presents. And I had the BEST valentine ever, feel free to argue that, but it's true.
Our cute Valentine decorations- the mailboxes were my favorite. We have two- one for Lo and one for me. We left each other notes and goodies and put the flag up to let each other know we had mail! 

I already spilled the beans, my birthday was the day after Valentines Day! So I got to celebrate all over again!! Logan and I met up with our friends, Kenon and Marissa, for ice cream at Scoops because they have Playdough and it's delicious. As we were chowing away at our ice cream, the boys stepped outside.. and left us with a spare key to the other car and a clue to follow. Let's just say we had quite the goose chase ahead of us. We first had to go to a place called Game Pulse that our husbands like to go to so they can play a game on the internet. There we got weirded out waiting for our next clue. There we got our favorite drinks- Strawberry Banana Naked for me and chocolate milk for Marissa. From there we had to go to the ethanol free gas station in Rexburg (the clues were much much much harder than that because of their crazy wording). From there we went to a park, then to the boys bathroom at Walmart. Then to the video game area of Walmart and finally that led us to the Hickory where we ate dinner with our guys. This scavenger hunt took us 2 hours!! It was crazy hard but in the end the boys had flowers and Florence chocolates for us to that made it better.

 From there we went to Shelley to celebrate with my fam. My Grandpa and Grandma Clark, Trent, Lindsey and their kids, and my parents were there. We had some of my favorite chocolate dessert!

I'm officially 21 and I applied for my cool horizontal license. This way I will actually still look like myself. My last license made people do a double take.. must be the hair.

This past weekend I went to a couple baby showers! One for a cousin and one for a best friend from high school... Rylee is due in just a couple weeks and her little baby bump is so cute! It looks like she shoved a volleyball up her shirt because you can't tell her's prego from the back.

 The 23rd was our one year anniversary! Whoo! I already blogged about that so I will leave it at that.

And now tomorrow we leave to Las Vegas to celebrate our one year anniversary! We are staying at the MGM Grand Signature for 2 nights and I can hardly wait. On Friday I also get to meet my favorite photographer from Virginia for a coaching session and Logan gets to come too. After that we are doing another photography conference called WPPI. This weekend is going to be amazing and I can't wait to learn more about photography!

Oh, one last thing. This month Logan and I officially decided after lots of prayers, going to the temple and talking (no this not a baby announcement), I will be graduating with my associates at the end of this semester. I am grateful for the education I have gotten so far, but I feel like it is time to focus on other things and I'm excited to see where the future takes us!

The Best Parent

First things first... I hope you all went on a date with a significant other and really enjoyed the company the you brought each other. I hope compliments were given and affection shown.

To be the best kind of parent, it starts in our marriages. John Gottman gives us a look at something called a Parenting Pyramid. The pyramid base starts with a personal way of being. We need to know who we are, be confident in ourselves, and feel good about ourselves. The second step is the husband/wife relationship. We need to have a strong marriage connection to be able to be on the same page in parenting and because we also need to feel loved to give love to our children. Keep those marriages on track and as a priority!! That is what lets us keep building our pyramid. The middle step of the pyramid is a parent/child relationship step. Parents are supposed to have a friendship with their kids. It isn't just about disciplining and teaching them, it is to give them a constant friend as well. The next step is to teach; it really intrigued me that having a good relationship came before the teaching, but it makes sense! If we don't have a good relationship with someone it is hard to learn from them or want to learn from them. Correction is the top of the pyramid. Think of a pyramid, the top isn't a big part when it is divided into five steps. That means that correction needs to be the smallest part in your parenting relationship!

To dive into parenting, let's take a look at what The Proclamation to the World says about parenting. You can find it here if you want to read more.
"The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife."
When Adam and Eve were placed on the Earth, you think that the Lord would have a lot of different things He needed to tell them about the Earth and their responsibilities, but the very first thing that He told them was they were to multiply and replenish and the earth. That tells us a lot of the importance that should be placed on parenthood.

 My Fowler family

In parenting there are three different parenting styles that are used in families. The first style is authoritarian/coercive. This parenting style "is characterized by parents who deride, demean, or diminish children and teens by continually putting them in their place, putting them down, mocking them, or holding power over them via punitive or pyschologically controlling means" (Hawkins, 105). I took a parenting class last Spring where we learned about the three different styles and something that really helped me understand what each style meant was a little chart. At the top there were three things bonding/connection, regulation, and autonomy granting. On the side it listed the three styles: authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative. We then were taught that in an authoritarian parent/child relationship there is a L (low) level of connection and relationship between them, there is a H (high) level of regulation where a parent is involved in the child's life, and there is a L level of autonomy granting. If a child is in kind of relationship with a parent it can lead to rebellion. "Psychological control designed to manipulate children's mental and emotional experience and expression has been associated with children's and adolescents' 'externalizing,' or aggressive, disruptive, or delinquent behavior; and 'internalizing,' or developing problems such as anxiety or depression" (Hawkins, 106). Look at the kind of effect parents can have on their children. If we knew the way that we were parenting would lead to these kind of things, would we still parent that way?

Permissive parenting is another style of parenting that is used. "Permissve parenting is characterized by parents who overindulge children or neglect them by leaving them to their own devices" (Hawkins, 107). In a permissive parent/child relationship there is a M (moderate) connection level, a L regulation level, and a H autonomy granting level. That means that they are kind of trying to be the "cool" parent and allow their kids to do what they want so that allows them to have an OK relationship with their kids. They don't really get involved in their lives and they let them choose what they want to do without any repercussions really. "Research suggests that children raised by permissive parents may have greater difficulty respecting others, coping with frustration, delaying gratification for a greater goal, and following through with plans" (Hawkins, 107).
Again, thinking of the consequences that can come from allowing this kind of parenting style to be yours, wouldn't you rather change that? The untold things to come could be devastating to the children. A quote from Elder Joe J. Christensen states, "We should avoid spoiling children by giving them too much. In our day, many children grow up with distorted values because we as parents overindulge them...One of the most important things we can teach our children is to deny themselves. Instant gratification generally makes for weak people" (Hawkins, 107).

The third parenting style is authoritative and it fits the bill for being the best of the three. "Authoritative parenting fosters a positive emotional connection with children, provides for regulation that places fair and consistent limits on child behavior... This style creates a positive emotional climate that helps children be more open to parental input and direction..." (Hawkins, 108). The graph for authoritative parenting gives H level for connection, H level for regulation, and H level for autonomy granting. This kind of relationship is ideal. It allows you to be close to your children, give counsel that they can go off of, and they still know that you are there to help guide them and discipline them when necessary. The difficult task to this style of parenting is that it is individual, where as the others can be done the same for all the children. Each child will be different and the parenting will need to change with each person due to their temperaments, predispositions, and personalities.

Reflect back on your childhood. What did you love about your parents? Is there things that you wish they would have done a little differently? If you could tell your parents something about their parenting what you tell them?

Now that you know about these different parenting styles, what will you do better your parenting? Because hindsight is 20/20 and we can see things that our parents did that maybe we didn't agree with or didn't like, how can you make sure to not have those things in the way you parent your children?

To be the best kind of parent, there needs to be love unrestricted. For no reason should we hold back our love from our children. Children need to be told they are loved every day. They need to supported in their dreams, goals, and ambitions.
To be the best parent, we need to the best of ourselves. Here's your challenge for the week, what is your best self? Write down a list of things you think make you your best self. Now be honest with yourself, what things do you need to improve on? Do those things! Try every day to be a little better to be better for your children.

We are here on this earth to be tested and tried in order to return to our Heavenly Father. These experiences we are going through now will prepare us for the eternities. Because of that knowledge, why are we parents here on this earth? It is because one day we will be like Heavenly Father and Mother and we need to be the best kind of parents we can be. We are learning to be the best kind of parents we can be here on this earth.

My Peterson family

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in the April 2013 general conference said, "Would we scold a toddler for stumbling? No, neither does our Heavenly Father."

We aren't going to be perfect parents like our Father in Heaven, but He will not scold us. We must try to do all we can and be the best parent we can. We will be blessed and strengthened for that. Be that kind of parent for your children. Help them do all they can so they can grow too.

A final thought by President Gordon B. Hinckley, "As children grow through the years, their lives, in large measure, become an extension and a reflection of family teaching. If there is a harshness, abuse, uncontrolled anger, disloyalty, the fruits will be certain and discernable, and in all likelihood they will be repeated in the generation that follows. If, on the other hand, there is forbearance, forgiveness, respect, consideration, kindness, mercy, and compassion, the fruits again will be discernible, and they will be eternally rewarding. They will be positive and sweet and wonderful... I speak to fathers and mothers everywhere with a plea to put harshness behind us, bridle our anger, to lower our voices, and to deal with mercy and love and respect one toward another in our home" (Hawkins, 125).

What kind of fruits do you want to leave behind?

Sources:
The Family: A Proclamation to the World - http://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation
Hawkins, Alan. Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research  
      Persepectives. Provo, UT: 2012. 105-108, 125. Print.

February 23, 2013

A whole year has flown by. I can look back and remember all of our memories and adventures of the year and I just don't know how I let the year slip by so quickly.

A year ago today, I walked into the Idaho Fall Temple Miss Michelle Fowler. I left Mrs. Michelle Peterson (well, it took a few months to make it official with the government ;) ). That day has changed my life for the eternities and I can't believe I'm lucky enough to be able to spend those with Lo. Our wedding day was a total blizzard, until we stepped out of the temple to take pictures as husband and wife. It was perfect when we came out; a fresh blanket of snow, no wind and such a beautiful day. The rest of the day is basically a blur for me it went by so fast after so much planning, but nothing else mattered that day except the fact that I was with Logan and we were sealed in the temple.
During the past year we were able to start shooting weddings together, spent our first week apart when I went to Colorado, went to AZ for a Frost family reunion, move into a tiny, cramped apartment where the fridge made all of our food taste bad, live with my parents for a month, move into our new apartment, going to school, hike some waterfalls, go to Hawaii, dream of going back to Hawaii, celebrate my 21st birthday, and so many more things. This year was stuffed with adventures and by the looks of it, we are headed off for adventures again this year. I can hardly wait to see where this year takes us.

Dear Logan,

You are amazing, but everyone knows that. And I am the luckiest girl in the world to have you, every girl says they are the luckiest, but let's be real I am. You are the kindest and most giving husband I could ever ask for. You are so extremely handsome and even though I sometimes make fun of it, I like your honk if you want this shirt and your "interesting" style just makes you you. When you married me you probably had no idea what you got yourself into,  but I'm glad that you still love me no matter what. 

Thanks Lo for the very best year of my life. You are the best and I could not ask for more. Thank you for loving me when I'm ornery, heating up rice bags to help my back, and snuggling me when I have bad dreams. You are the best part of my day and I love waking up to you, even if you have bad breath. Thank you for bringing out the best in me and making me want to be better every day. Thank you for opening my door and bringing home Raspberry Peach Sprites from work just because I love them. Thank you for letting me steal the blankets every night and telling me of all the funny things I say in my sleep. Thank you for being silly and weird and letting me know that you love me just the way I am so I can be silly and weird too. Thanks for letting me cut my hair and telling me I'm beautiful. Thank you for believing in me and my dreams when I feel like I get knocked down to the ground. You are the best number one fan I could ever ask for.

I can't wait for all of our adventures during this year, both the big and the small. It will be another one of the best years just having you by my side no matter what we do. I love you forever and always~

Dating Pre and Post Marriage

Remember that time that I told you hopefully the next blog post was coming tomorrow.. well I actually meant the next week because here we are a week later!

Let's all reflect on pre marriage dating. Awkward, fun, and confusing as anything right?!

 In recent years dating has been on the back burner for most single adults because they are hanging out instead. Hanging out relieves the pressure of being one on one and it is a group of people together. That's a great way to find a spouse right? Hmm... Wrong!
Dallin H. Oaks gives the following definition on "hanging out"- "Hanging out consists of numbers of young men and young women joining together in some group activity. It is very different from dating" (Oaks).
Elder Oaks then goes on to tell us what dating is, "Dating is pairing off to experience the kind of one-on-one association and temporary commitment that can lead to marriage in some rare and treasured cases" (Oaks).
Why is the dating field shifting to hanging out?
First, the media gives us the idea that we have soul mates and we then need to find them; what if we can't find them, where are they, etc are things that can plague minds with worry considerations of who to date come into play.
Another reason that hanging out has become so popular is the concept of divorce in marriage. Divorce has affected everyone in some way, we all know someone who has been through a divorce. No one wants to go into a marriage thinking they will fail, because of this many teens are negative about outlooks and low expectations for a happy marriage so they put off dating (Hawkins, 4).
A last thought on why hanging out has become so popular is that Satan wants to destroy family relationships. Satan wants nothing more than to destroy our chances of happily ever after into eternity. He wants us to feel negatively about dating and put in our minds that we need to settle or marry whoever we think is an OK person. When we let hanging out into our pre marriage relationship, it can also lead to a hanging out expectation in marriage.

  Do not let those things influence you!!

If you are single and dating, let's look at the differences between hanging out and dating so there is no confusion. When you hang out, there is a group of people hanging out and having a fun time. They all get to know each other to some level but not really significantly. When you go on a date, it is one on one and you get to know each other!
On the topic courtship Elder Lance B. Wickman said, "Courtship is a time for two people to get acquainted. It is a time to get to know someone, his or her interests, habits, and perspective on life and the gospel. It is a time to share ambitions and dreams, hopes and fears. It is a time to test someone’s commitment to gospel living" (Wickman).
The things that he says to find out about a person are really hard to find out while you hang out with a group; in group settings it is hard to get to know someone's heart.

What kind of dates are best while you are dating to find a spouse? I read some articles that took me back to high school really quick. It talks about the big, over the top kind of dates that are unnecessary. It reminded me of the high school dances and all ways boys and girls would ask and answer one another. In my opinion, it wasn't a bad thing for dances because those were something different; what I can see being a little much is that dates for the dances. The dance alone wasn't enough. These dates turned into all day things with a day date, dinner, and the dance.
"The more elaborate and expensive the date, the fewer the dates. As dates become fewer and more elaborate, this seems to create an expectation that a date implies seriousness or continuing commitment. That expectation discourages dating even more," is what Elder Oaks states about big dates (Oaks).
 As I thought over what kind of dates I most enjoyed while dating Mr. Logan I think I enjoyed most the small and simples ones. Some times we would go for walks and just talk about life. Another date Logan took me to an arcade and we won tickets that we spent buying army guys with parachutes to throw off the BYU-I stadium. These dates gave us a chance to talk and see different sides of each others personalities. Logan also went to the hospital with kidney stones early in our dating relationship. This gave me the chance to see how he was when he was sick as I saw him throw up, drugged up, and in a lot of pain.

While I was in Young Womens I'm pretty sure I made just about 10 different lists of what I wanted in a spouse. At that time, I wrote things that had to do with the spiritual side of things, but I also wanted some of that tall, dark, and handsome stuff. I wanted a husband that was athletic, attractive, strong, etc. When I went to college, I started going on dates and as I did, I compared them to my list. What I noticed was that my list wasn't the most accurate of what I wanted. I was able to learn more about myself from the guys that I dated and I also was able to understand better what I wanted in an eternal companion. I learned that I wanted someone who was more relaxed than I was. I wanted someone who was really happy and optimistic. And money wasn't a big deal in a relationship. When I met Logan, I realized that he was a lot of things on my lists from YW, but he was so much more. The Lord knows us better than we know ourselves and He helped show me the reasons I needed someone like Mr. Logan. Logan brought out the very best in me, he helped me realize my dreams and pushed me to them. I could talk about this a whole bunch more, but one thing we need to realize when we are dating, we may not know what is best for us just yet. Sometimes you need to be open and allow the Lord show you things you need and what He wants for you.

Elder Bednar gives great insight into how to find the kind of eternal companion you want-
     "'I need to find someone who has these three, or four, or five things.' And I rather forcefully say to
      them, 'You are so arrogrant to things that you are some catch and that you want someone else who       has these fives things for you! If you found somebody who has these three or four or five
      characteristics that you're looking for, what makes you think they would want to marry you?' The
      'list' is not for evaluating somebody else- the list is for you and what you need to become"
      (Hawkins, 6).

Isn't that a thought... as we look for an amazing spouse, we need to be amazing. If we want someone who is strong in the gospel or loves the Lord, we need to become those things!

"'Decisions determine destiny. That is why it is worthwhile to look ahead, to set a course, to be ready at least partly ready when the moment of decision comes.' Thus we must look ahead to the type of marriage we want, set a course toward that goal, and then 'prepare every needful thing" (Hawkins, 16).

Now how does this all translate into marriage? Dating should always be part of our relationships as husband wife. As we date before marriage, we strive to get to know everything about a person; when we get married we don't stay that same person from the wedding day. We each grown and change! Because of that we need to be dating our spouse so we can stay connected with our spouses and continue to know their heart. It also helps to keep the flame alive!!
Dating in marriage can be as simple as going for a walk, getting ice cream, or having a Netflix movie night. It is an opportunity for parents to have someone watch the kiddos and get to be just the two of you.

I have a few fun ideas for date night on a Pinterest board- you can find those here.

This weekend I challenge you to take your spouse on a date!! Compliment them the way you did when you were dating. Men open doors for your women, we always appreciate those little things. Talk about your goals and hopes. Get to know each other again!

Sources-
Hawkins, Alan. Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research  
      Persepectives. Provo, UT: 2012. 4, 7, 16. Print.
Oaks, Dallin. Dating Versus Hanging Out 
      http://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/06/dating-versus-hanging-out?lang=eng
Wickman, Lance. Confidence Tests: From Fear to Faith in Marriage Decision 
     http://www.lds.org/ensign/2010/04/confidence-tests-from-fear-to-faith-in-the-marriage-decision?lang=eng

Equal Not Identical

Alright- I'm terrible at putting this out on a routine schedule, but hopefully this week's post will come tomorrow and I will get on some sort of routine!

Let's do a little recap from the last post about marriage being ordained of God. One of the things I mentioned that can help us in our marriages is to know what our spouses love language is. I shared what our love languages were and challenged you to learn what your spouse speaks! Over the past week and a half, I have made conscious efforts to reach out to Logan through his love languages. When he got home from work, I would run to the door to give him a hug and kiss to welcome him home. I made Kool-Aid to go with dinner (he loves that stuff!) and tried to have dinner ready when would come home. Reaching out to his love language, I felt he could really feel the love I had for him. I know it sounds so silly, but I think that showing love the way they feel it just brings a whole lot more love into the house because you are thinking of the other person more!

We are still working on really getting date night set up weekly. We didn't do great at it last week, we spent time together, we just didn't call it date night. That is still in the works.

Positive words- this was probably one of the biggest changes that I saw in the past week in our home and marriage. I have truly felt overwhelmed and emotionally and mentally drained because of responsibilities this semester. Between school, church calling, photography, and being a wife, I just was struggling. I was just frustrated most of the time and I think that mostly I complained. But there was one day that I could see it; I could see the way my negativity was "hurting" Logan whether he would say it was or not. He didn't know how to comfort me and I wasn't making the home a welcoming place to come to after work. I could have kicked myself when I was able to see the way I had been over the past couple weeks. I told myself that I would be happy. Happiness was going to be in my face, eyes, and spirit. The home would be a place of happiness to come home to; the best thing I could have ever hope for happened.

As I made myself more positive, I noticed so many changes that I wasn't expecting. I was able to get more done than I could when I was complaining. Being positive also helped me make better connections with others and it made going to classes a lot easier for me because I had people to sit by and talk too. But most importantly it did change the atmosphere of our home and our marriage. It brought laughter, smiles, and much happiness to both of us. 

This life is supposed to try and test us, but we can still be positive throughout our lives. That is what I aim to do!!

The idea of turning off Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, etc when it is time for bed may seem baffling to some and I used to really struggle with this, but lately I look forward to getting in bed, setting my alarm and just talking with Logan. That is a time of day that we can relax and be with one another. I enjoy that time of the day wholeheartedly. I hope that you can find the time to turn off the technology and just focus on each other. Maybe when your spouse falls asleep you can use it again, but try to have time just the two of you and see how it enriches your marriage.

Alrighty!! Week two of this blog is dealing with marriage counsels and being equal in our marriages. Marriage counsels can also turn into family counsels as things need to be discussed among all members of the family or just the spouses. Marriage counsels are important because it keeps you aware of one another and the thoughts and feelings that you each have on what is going on.

Decisions can be difficult to make with one another because you are separate people. You each think
differently and were raised differently, but you cane come to a decision you can both agree on with
patience and work. When you are counseling together, you need to be open to other ideas and to what
the other person is saying. If you both come to the table and say this is what we are going to do and this
is how I want to do it, you are both going to be frustrated and feel that your plan is better and it won’t
solve the issue.
As we come together we should go over possible solutions, disagree, find new ideas, but listen carefully
to one another as we discuss. We should discuss, discuss, and discuss some more to reach something that
both persons feel good about.

President Henry B. Eyring relates an experience where he sat in on a discussion with the apostles where
they were trying to make a decision. They each gave their ideas, thoughts, and they had disagreements.
They kept discussing the matter until a decision had been arrived at that they agreed on. However, one
person wasn’t quite settled on what had been decided. Due to that, they postponed making the final
decision because all needed to feel right about it. (video)

As you come to counsel together, solutions don’t always need to be forced, wait for the revelation to come
to each person. Revelation comes at different times for everyone. In my own marriage, I knew that I was
supposed to marry Logan very early in our relationship because the Spirit testified of that to me. I didn’t
share this with him though because he needed to come to that idea by himself. Once we both knew, we
could move forward and get married because we both felt good about it!

 Each of us sees things differently and adds a new perspective into our marriages and families. That is one
reason it is so important for us to counsel together because we can open new ideas and explore new options
that may not have been presented if we weren't holding counsels.
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin gives this quote about being different from each other-
     "The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos
       of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony. All of
       Heavenly Father's children are different in some degree, yet each has his beautiful sound that adds
       depth and richness to the whole" (Hawkins 38).
Elder Bruce C. Hafen adds to that idea of being one of ourselves and one together with our spouse when
he said:
     "In the little kingdom of a family, each spouse freely gives something the other does not have and
      without which neither can be complete and return to God’s presence. Spouses are not a soloist with
      an accompanist, nor are they two solos. They are the interdependent parts of a duet, singing together
      in harmony at a level where no solo can go" (Hafen).


Together in our marriages we can go where we could not go alone!! We must work together equally to
make those opportunities a reality.

Counsels should be held to make one another aware of the problems and frustrations we are having in our
lives that we may need help with. Husbands and wives are to help one another and to support each other.
The Family: A Proclamation to the World states, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families
in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their
families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities,
fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."
We each have responsibilities that need to be taken care of, but our spouses can help us to accomplish them.
The duties of the husband are not above or below the duties of the wife. The wife's duties are not above or
below the duties of the husband. They are equal but different. How boring would it be if we were all
supposed to do the same things as one another. That would make for one boring life, but it doesn't make
treating someone's roles or responsibilities as lower than our own. We are to be helpmeets for each other.
Elder Earl C. Tingey said:
     "You must not misunderstand what the Lord meant when Adam was told he was to have a helpmeet.
       A helpmeet is a companion suited to or equal to us. We walk side by side with a helpmeet, not one
       before or behind the other. A helpmeet results in an absolute equal partnership between a husband
       and a wife" (Hawkins, 38-39).
To end I would like to share some results from research that has been done on couples who demonstrated
equal partnerships. Couples who share equal partnerships have happier relationships, more effective
parenting practices, and better functioning children. When couples are equal they have a higher marital
satisfaction because they have more positive interactions than negative. (Hawkins, 43).
Who doesn't want a marriage full of those things and so much more. As we work together we can
accomplish so much more! Make it a goal this week to work together and find ways to help your spouse
with their responsibilities. Marriages take work, but they are our greatest treasure on this earth and in the
life to come!

Sources:
President Eyring video- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtwpPT1QQQE&feature=feedwll&list=WL
Hawkins, Alan. Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research  

      Persepectives. Provo, UT: 2012. 38-43. Print. 
Hafen, Bruce. "Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners." Ensign. August 2007

Family Proclamation to the World- http://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

Marriage is ordained of God

In the first paragraph of The Family: A Proclamation to the World it states that, "We The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children."
What does it mean by marriage is ordained of God? The Merriam-Webster online dictionary gives the definition of ordained to be established or to order. But what is it that marriage is supposed to establish? Marriages establish a new family unit, help us to become more godly in character, and to become "one" with another person.
In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we each strive to make it to the temple and be sealed for time and all eternity with our spouse. This sealing covenant allows us to return to our Heavenly Father's presence. Marriage is not to be a mockery with Heavenly Father.
Doctrine and Covenants 42:22  commands us, "Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart (Hawkins, 30). In regards to that scripture, President Ezra Taft Benson gave this insight, "To my knowledge there is only one other thing in all scripture that we are commanded to love with all our hearts, and that is God Himself" (Hawkins, 30). If we are commanded to love our spouse in the same way that we love the Lord, how great that love should be!!

Due to the serious nature of what marriage means to the Lord, we should be seeking to make marriages better and stronger. Elder Robert D. Hales stated:

"An eternal bond doesn't just happen as a result of sealing covenants

we make in the temple. How we conduct ourselves in this life will

determine what we will be in all the eternities to come. To receive

the blessings of the sealing that our Heavenly Father has given to

us, we have to keep the commandments and conduct ourselves in

such a way that our families will want to live with us in the eternities

(Hawkins, 29)."

How can we strengthen our marriages in order to keep them sacred and of greatest importance?

One thing that many couples may need to learn about is their spouse's love languages. Each person communicates and feels love differently. In the book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman, he talk about the idea of a love tank; it is just like a gas tank of our cars, but it needs to be filled with love.

"I am convinced that keeping the emotional love tank full is as important to a marriage as maintaining the proper oil level is to an automobile. Running your marriage on an empty "love tank" may cost you even more than trying to drive your car without oil...Whatever the quality of your marriage now, it can always be better" (Chapman, 23).

Our love tanks can be filled by using our love languages to express love. For example my husband's top love languages are acts of service and physical touch; My first love language is words of affirmation. Knowing this about one another gives us the chance to better understand how to let one another know that we love them. Logan knows that I need to hear how he feels about me or a thank you for doing something. When he acknowledges those things, I know that he is speaking my love language and I'm so grateful that he takes the time to do that. For Logan's love languages, he likes to just be close to me, hold my hand or have me run up and give him a hug and a kiss when he gets home. It also doesn't hurt to fill up a bath for him or bring home is favorite candy bar now and then either. Another benefit from knowing what each others love language is allows me to know that Logan show our love by speaking in our love language to one another too.
Do you know what your spouse's love language is? I challenge each of you to take the test. Even if you have previously taken it because they can change. Take them with one another and find out what each other needs. As you learn their love language, strive to reach out to them with their love language this week.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

When a couple first starts dating, it generally isn't filled with frustrations with one another, but it is a great source of friendship. Being best friends shouldn't change just because wedding rings are being worn. This friendship needs to continued through dating, "friend" talks, and doing things that one another enjoys. When you meet up with a friend to talk, you don't blow up at them for the things that happened in the morning with the kids, you talk about things that make you happy or stress you out. Friends are there to comfort, celebrate and be there for you. Have talks like best friends, leave the negativity towards one another out and be friends! Dating- the once awkward period of not knowing exactly how to act around the person to the fabulous time of dating your best friend to now dating your spouse. This past week I had the opportunity to interview a few couples and I asked them how they kept their marriages strong. One couple made a point to say that date night needs to happen; the date can be an out on the town kind of night or a night in a fort that you made together watching Netflix. Sometimes date night is difficult for Logan and I due to really conflicting schedules, but I'm setting a goal for us to call one night a week date night so that we get to keep on "dating" each other.

Marriage counsels. I'm not talking about going to a therapist, I'm simply talking about counseling as husbands and wives. Each couple should be taking the opportunity to counsel with one another often with big and small decisions and situations. Counseling can be a way that couples come closer together and can cleave to one another as they go over the situation on their own instead of checking with in-laws for approval (Kimball). Counseling also can give us the opportunity to make sure that we are measuring up to our responsibilities as husband and wife. The Proclamation says that husband and wife are to love and care for each other. My husband and I use the moments of pillow talk or driving in the car to talk about whether or not we are making each other feel loved and appreciated. This time together helps strengthen our marriage as we counsel together.One aspect of couples counseling together that could go awry is that they may feel they being attacked because of the wording that a spouse may use in response to them. Gottman gives insight into a study of the positive to negative ratio in couple interactions and it states, “In stable marriages, the ratio of positive to negative interactions during conflict situations was at least 5 to 1” (Hawkins, 32).
As we converse about different topics, we need to be careful with our wording and allow positive thoughts to come in as well. Tearing each other down is not allowing the pure love of Christ to be part of our marriages. Couples are commanded to love one another with the pure love of Christ and it is through that love that we are able to overlook faults, weaknesses, and to more fully love them. Loving them this way allows us to be more positive in our counsels with them. (Hawkins)
This is an area that I am really challenging myself with this week. I want to make sure that my interactions with Logan are positive and make him feel good. I don't want to be a negative wife who only complains and tears down my husband. That shouldn't be the way we interact with one another. That being said, this week I am going to keep track of the negative remarks I make to my husband and make sure that I make up for the words I said with positive statements or focus on what makes me unhappy and try to think of it differently or from his point of view. How can you commit to changing your positive communications with your spouse this week?

Along with communication, I wanted to touch on technology and the way it is interfering. Technology can be a great way for a couple to stay connected throughout the day through simple sweet text messages. They can just say, "Hey I was thinking about you." A simply kissy face emoticon is great too! But with all that greatness, it still should have its place. I have realized that in my marriage, when we lay down at night and aren't really talking, I'm on my phone browsing Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, or other things that take away from time with my spouse. That needs to stop! I am well aware of that and this week I am going to make it a goal to not use my phone or other devices for those things unless we are looking something up. Pillow talk time should be a special time to reconnect at the end of a long day. I challenge you to put the technology away. Be in the moment with your spouse! 

In my interviews this past week, I asked each couple how they have changed since they have been married; they all said that they have learned to think of others before themselves and becoming more selfless. That is what we should each strive for. We should put our spouses needs before our own; those times when our marriages may be struggling that is the most important time to put the spouse first. When you are striving to serve them, love follows.
Another question asked was what advice would you give to couples who are struggling, they also said to serve your spouse here. Pray for your spouse was another idea. One idea that really struck a cord with me was when things seem to be going wrong, look at yourself. What part do you have in what is going and how can you change it? Then change it!!!

I know that marriage is vital to our happiness and to return to our Heavenly Father. For that reason we should protect and uphold it to the best of our abilities. I hope that this has given you some insight and ideas on how to strengthen your marriage this week! If you feel the urge to go along with some of these challenges, I would love to hear some feedback on what you have done! Send me an email fow12002@byui.edu   Thanks!!

A final thought from C.S. Lewis

Love as distinct from "being in love" is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, 

maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit... They can have this 

love for each other even at thosemoments when they do not like each other....

It is on this loves that the engine of marriage is run; being in love was the 

explosion that started it.

Sources:

http://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

  Hawkins, Alan. Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research  

      Persepectives. Provo, UT: 2012. 26-37. Print.

Chapman, Gary. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Chicago, Illinois: 2010. Print.

 

It's a new year!

New Years is a month behind us now, but I think that 2014 is going to hold some great things for Mr. Logan and I!!
Let me clarify for a moment, we are not pregnant. I was not insinuating that with the first line by any means and I don't want that to be taken from that.
This year we will each do our thing with school, hit our one year anniversary, I'll turn 21, he'll turn 25, go to some photography workshops and make memories every day along the way. That's our plan!

This semester I am on track and Logan is off. My school schedule is set up so I don't have classes on Fridays and that has been so nice, but I am taking a couple online classes and those are definitely a new experience for me. I'm taking a couple classes that are just for fun that I have really enjoyed- Jazz dance (which I'm being taught how completely out of shape I am) and a children's sewing class. In my sewing class we have already sewn booties, caps, and sleepers. Our next project is shirts and pants (all our of knit fabric); then we are making blessings dresses and coats. I've really enjoyed sewing because before this the extent of my sewing was fleece blankets and one Christmas stocking.

Logan is back working away at Olive Garden full time again. I'm really so grateful for everything he does to help put us both through school and to have a home. He's the best!! :) Logan also got called into the Elders Quorum presidency as the 2nd counselor. This kid is awesome, I'm telling you. While he was in school he had to work most Sundays and we had church from 1:30-4:30. He usually had to work during that time so I went to church by myself, but it is the best thing ever to walk into church holding hands and to sit next to him during sacrament meeting. Oh happy day! Sometimes you just need to be reminded of how much better your life is when the people you love are part of all the little moments.

2014 has brought some exciting things to us as well. My favorite photographer is from Virginia and I have dreamed of going to one of her workshops, but let's be real, that wasn't going to happen for quite some time because of the cost of flying, workshop, and other expenses. Well, turns out she is coming to Las Vegas for WPPI and she is hosting her own little "Coaching Huddle" while she is there. And guess who's husband said she could go!!! This girl!! At the end of this month we will both be going down to Las Vegas to celebrate both of our birthdays, Valentines Day and our anniversary because when all of that is 18 days apart you might as well just smoosh it all into one thing. Our plan was to go down for that and come back on March 2, turn around the following weekend for an engagement and bridal session in St. George until I found out more great news.. As a student I can go to WPPI- Wedding & Portrait Photographers International- for wait for it.... $25!!! That is so much cheaper than a regular admission fee. It starts the day after my other workshop. Logan and I decided to take advantage of this opportunity and now we will both be attending WPPI to learn more about photography! I'm telling you I have the best husband, he was so supportive of this crazy idea when I told him. I was worried he would say no and not want to spend time in classes and shoots, but he was so gung ho for it! After the conference, we will then drive up to St. George to meet up for some sessions and only have to make that drive once in two weeks!

This year Logan and I have quite a few weddings to look forward to shooting together and I can't wait to see what will come with this! And drum roll..... we booked an Arizona wedding!!!!!! WHOOO!! We will be flying together to shoot a wedding; this is my dream come true!!
I can't wait to see what the rest of 2014 has in store for us!