Repentance and Forgiveness in the Family

Everyone makes mistakes. Each and every one of us have hurt someone in our lives whether it has been through our actions or our words. We also have each been a victim of hurtful words and actions. In my opinion, when we are hurt from people outside of our family it can be easier to get over it because they technically don't have to in our lives if we choose for them not to be. Our families are with us. We grow up with them, laugh with them, are friends, and we're stuck with them.

When someone wrongs us within the family it can be extremely hurtful. There are so many ways we can be wronged by others in family life- words, actions, abuse, sin, neglect, etc. Some cases are much worse than others, but in each steps need to be taken to correct the mistake and forgive one another. This should be an ongoing process in the home.

There are many times when I need to apologize to my husband because I get grumpy or frustrated because he doesn't put his dishes in the sink or he doesn't realize that I need help cleaning the house (why can't mind reading be a real superpower gifted to all men right?). That is wrong of me, but I recognize it and I really have been trying to get better with it, but trust me, I'm still struggling. But because I ask for forgiveness and make efforts to change and do better, I am going through the repentance and forgiveness process for family life.

And let's be real.. how could I ever really be mad at this handsome guy?

Dallin H. Oaks stated the following, "The gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to change. ... Repenting means giving up all of our practices- personal, family, ethnic, and national- that are contrary to the commandments of God. The purpose of the gospel is to transform common creatures into celestial citizens, and that requires change" (Hawkins, 202).

As we each come to a time to need to repent after making a mistake, there are steps and requirements that need to be made.

"1. Recoginze the sin. We admit to ourselves that we have done something wrong.
2. Feel sorrow for the sin. Feeling sorrowful, we are humble and submissive before God, and we come to Him with a broken heart and contrite spirit.
3. Forsake the sin. We STOP committing the sin and pledge to NEVER do it again.
4. Confess. We should confess all our sins to the Lord. In addition, we must confess serious sins that might affect our standing in the Church to the proper ecclesiastical authority.
5. Make restitution. Insofar as possible, we make right any wrong that we have done." (Hawkins, 205).

Repentance is not an easy thing. It can hurt us and it can also others. But it ultimately heals and frees us. Repentance and forgiveness are the keys to a happy home.

Sometimes forgiveness can be hard because of different situations. In my class we have talked about abuse in the family; I am blessed to not have experienced that, but that can be a really difficult thing to move past and forgive. But the hope in that is that the Savior has felt everything we do and He will forgive us for our wrong doings. We are supposed to be like Him, therefore we should also strive to be continually forgiving of others. It won't always be easy, but it is worth it.

"Genuine forgiveness is a process, not a product. It is hard work and it takes time. It is a voluntary act that gives meaning to the wound and frees the injured person from the ills of bitterness and resentment" (Hawkins, 205).

Just as there is steps in repentance, there is steps to forgiveness.
"1. Recall the hurt. It is human nature to try to protect ourselves from pain. Too often we try to deny or forget the pain of the offense and avoid the discomfort associated with addressing that offense...
2. Empathize. Empathy involves borrowing the lens of another person so we can see something from their point of view. In order to forgive, it is important to understand the feelings of the transgressor...
3. Offer the altruistis gift of forgiveness. Forgiving with altruism is easier when the victim is humbled by an awareness of his or her own shortcomings and offenses, with special gratitude for those occasions when he or she was freely forgiven.
4. Commit Publicly to Forgive. The victim has a better chance of successful forgiveness if he or she verbalizes the forgiveness commitment to another person. Some victims have formalized their decision by writing a letter, making a journal entry, or creating a certificate of forgiveness.
5. Hold on to Forgiveness. After completing the forgiveness process, victims may still be haunted on occasions by the pain of the offense. During this stage it is important to move forward. When thoughts revert to the painful injury, the victim is reminded that the decision to forgive has already been made. He or she does not have to repeat the process..." (Hawkins, 206).

I got the above image from Pinterest, there is no external link from there, but I LOVE this image. To me it can perfectly depict the Savior when we come to Him hurt and broken from the wrong of another. I hope that everyone has had the opportunity to feel His arms around them and lifting them as they use His atonement to help heal their hearts. He knows what we feel. He has felt it and because of that, He cries too. I sit here, tears streaming down my face due to this image because I have been there. I have been the receiver of His grace because of others. I have felt his grace encompass me as I have been hurt. We all have these experiences and as difficult as it is, we can each overcome the pain through the atonement!

"The beginning of healing requires childlike faith in the unalterable fact that Father in Heaven loves you and has supplied a way to heal. His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, laid down His life to provide that healing. But there is no magic solution, no simple balm to provide healing, nor is there an easy path to the complete remedy. The cure requires profound faith in Jesus Christ and in His inifinite capacity to heal" (Hawkins, 208).

This video is an amazing example of the power of forgiveness.

I challenge each of you to think of someone in your life that you might need to forgive. You may have just shoved the feelings away and hidden them, but I challenge you to forgiveness. I challenge you to pray and ask for the help of the Savior and to ask for Him to help you move the forgiveness.

And I also challenge you to say I'm sorry. It is very humbling when we try to really see what we say that could be taken offensive or when we do things that hurt others. Telling them you are sorry, can greatly benefit a relationship!